Page 12 - Demo

12|April 2020
Slippery rock GAzette
Lowest 5-Year Cost of Ownership
You are fully equipped, trained & covered for only $17,700.
Cost of Ownership Breakdown Over 5 Years
LPI Competitor A $17,700 $29,500
Competitor B $29,000
5-year limited warranty • coverage (defects & workmanship only)
No overnight loaner • program
Annual maintenance or calibration required
Competitor C $19,900
3-year limited warranty coverage (defects & workmanship only)
No overnight loaner program
• 5-year comprehensive • warranty coverage including accidental damage
1-year limited warranty • coverage (defects & workmanship only)
• Overnight loaner program
• No annual maintenance or calibration required
• No overnight loaner • program
• Annual maintenance or • calibration required
On average, companies who operate a digital templating system want it to last at least 5 years with a piece of mind that they are covered from any malfunction or even accidental damage.
Over the course of those 5 years with other systems, it may cost you as much as $29,500 to have just limited warranty coverage. Not with LPI. We have you covered.
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The Fish Sure Are Biting Today
container filled with tiny fish, not black widow spiders, rat- tlesnakes, snapping turtles or— bleech!—garden slugs. But it does seem incredibly weird to pay to feed fish with your own skin.
Crazier things have happened, of course. If this fad catches on, I’m sure the fishing tackle industry will take note—and maybe bring the idea to full economic and piscatorial cir- cle. Don’t be surprised to see lures featuring human skin on BassPro shelves near you.
But speaking as one who has turned many a finny critter into supper, I thought we were the ones who skinned the fish. Not the other way around.
Sam Venable is an author, co- medic entertainer, and humor columnist for the Knoxville (TN) News Sentinel. His latest book is The Joke’s on YOU! (All I Did Was Clean Out My Files).
Contact Sam at sam.venable@ outlook.com.
AS
too poor to eat fish, let the fish eat them!”
(Oh, wait. I think Miz Marie’s exact quote had something to do with bread, not fish. Or was it cake? Hmm. I distinctly remem- ber she said something about eating, but she was nearly out of her head at the time, so forget I brought it up.)
Sam Venable
Department of Irony
What we do need to consider, though, is why Americans are shelling out good money to have fish gnaw on their feet? Which is what an estimated 50,000 folks have done—at a rate of $35 for a 15-minute session—in the waters of the Yvonne Hair and Nails salon in Alexandria, Virginia.
Yep, at Yvonne’s, 100 tiny carp will chew the dead skin off your tootsies.
According to a recent Associated Press dispatch, fish pedicures have become quite popular in the D.C. suburb. The process originated in Turkey and has spread to some coun- tries in Asia.
The little beasties doing the work are Garra rufa, or “doc- tor fish.” They are toothless, so there’s no way they can attack
Marie Antoinette once
said, “If the people are
living flesh. Nonetheless, they apparently have quite an appe- tite for dead, flaky skin—and if you’re into a bowl of dead, flaky Wheaties right now, please ac- cept my deepest apologies. After the fish have dined and loosened the landscape, customers then undergo a standard pedicure.
The AP story quoted sev- eral happy customers includ- ing KaNin Reese, age 32, of Washington, who said, “It kind of feels like your foot’s asleep.”
And Patsy Fisher (who, by the way, has a great last name for a story of this nature), of Crofton, Maryland, who said, “It’s a little ticklish, actually.”
Also quoted was podiatrist Dennis Arnold, who had never heard of the procedure and doubted it would achieve wide- spread acclaim: “I think most people would be afraid of it.”
Afraid? No, I wouldn’t say that.
We’re talking about a
“I’ve managed to convince my wife that somewhere in the Bible it says, ‘Man cannot have too many shotguns and fishing poles.’ ”
— Norman Schwarzkopf
Gulf War Commander in Chief