Socrates may have been the greatest of the ancient philosophers, but sometimes, none are wiser than the average working stiff. Consider these philosophical adages from the common man's practical perspective...

- A day without sunshine is like night.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers.

- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

- When everything is coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

- You want proof of the paranormal? All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. Yeah, I thought so...

- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off in the here-&-now.

- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

- Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"

- Just remember: if the world didn't suck, we would probably all go flying off into space.

- Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

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