Up-Pun My Word
Auntie Mae's Various Ramblings on Life in a Small Town
Ida Mae Nowes
Nubbins Special Correspondent

Everyone knows one. There's one in every church congregation, one at every workplace, one at every family gathering. There's no avoiding them, so when you see them headed your way, just steel yourself for what you know is coming: The Pun.

These are the people who say things like "I had a boiled egg for breakfast this morning. You know, those are hard to beat." Then they look at you, waiting, until you realize the joke they've made and acknowledge it with an "Oh, I get it ... hard to beat. Ha, ha, that's a good one," whether the pun is actually good or not.

Okay, some puns are pretty funny, like "What do you call a grenade thrown into a kitchen in France?" "Linoleum Blownapart." Okay sue me, but I like that one. But a lot of them are just plain-old groaners, like the one about the guy who goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I'm having alternating recurring dreams. In one I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then a teepee, then a wigwam, and on and on. What's the matter with me?" and the doctor says "That's easy; you're two tents.

Groan.

So why am I thinking about puns? Blame it on Nubbins' favorite punster, Joe Miller. He and I are both on the Valentine's Day Dinner Planning Committee at church so I've seen a lot of him during the past two months. Therefore, I've heard a lot of puns. Some of them are short and easily snuck into the conversation. Like the time the committee members were waiting for the meeting to start and were chatting about the wedding that had occurred the weekend before.

"Doesn't the groom work for a cell phone company?" Joe asked.

"I don't know," someone answered.

"If he does, I bet the reception was excellent.

Does he sit around waiting for the opportune moment to throw these whoppers into the conversation? Or do they just come to him like a lightening bolt from above? He wasn't even through that time.

"I bet it was an emotional wedding," Joe went on. "I heard even the cake was in tiers.

Groan.

Other times you know you are being set up, and you just accept it:

"Have you heard this one?" Joe always starts, not waiting for an answer. "Two friars opened up a small florist shop to raise money for their monastery. They started doing very well, so the rival florist across town became upset. The florist went to the friars and asked them to close down, but they wouldn't. He tried everything he could think of to get them to close, but they wouldn't. Finally the rival florist hired the town bully, Hugh McGillicuddy, to intimidate the friars into closing down. The friars were so unnerved, they did indeed close their doors, proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

I know - Double Groan!

The trouble with hearing all these puns over the last two months is that I'm starting to think in puns, even when Joe is not around! The other day I was writing out my grocery list and the lead in the pencil broke. Thank goodness no one else was with me, because I might have blurted out what popped into my head, which was, "Well, I can't finish my list now; it's pointless." And last week at church, the kindergarten Sunday school teacher was complaining about one of the kids sticking glue in his mouth and I actually said, "Don't worry, he probably won't tell anyone. His lips are sealed.

Suddenly the kindergarten teacher was looking at me just like I look at Joe when he throws one of his so-called witticisms into the conversation. (That's right: Groan!) Could it be that Joe is turning me into a punster?

Oh, I don't know, puns aren't that bad, when you get down to it. As annoying as punsters are, we really need them in our lives to keep those puns coming at us, so our minds stay sharp. No one should go too long without a pun to groan at. After all, seven days without a pun makes one weak.

Sorry, I couldn't stop myself. Blame Joe.



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