My dearest (wife) is always going on and on and on about not making a fuss over her on Valentine's Day. She repeats that it's the thought that counts, but I don't really believe that. If you have a special person in your life and forget them on Valentine's Day, they just might make your life miserable.

I actually put a lot of thought into my gifts from previous February 14ths, as she didn't quite take to any of them like I assumed she would. Here's my list-feel free to borrow these brilliant plans and adapt for your own custom, romantical, "nofuss" usage.

- Brand new high-tech mop and bucket

Save your budget, and let your sweetie know how much you care with this thoughtful gift. Be sure to tell her it'll help to discover the color of the floor before you can plan that granite kitchen makeover. Romantic dinner at a fast food restaurant

It's a good idea to take her inside for a change instead of getting dinner at the drive through. Pizza Hut has those candles on table, and I've heard women find candle-lit dinners very romantic, and the garlic adds extra zest.

- Chocolates recycled from last year's box of candy

A little back-story may be helpful, here. When she threw the Wal-Mart's FinestTM CremeFilled Assortment box at me last year and stormed out of the house, I prudently swept up all the unbroken pieces and hid them (in a baggie) under the deer hooves in the freezer. That way they kept for a whole year. The point here is that through careful, strategic planning, you too, can make your wife proud of you for not wasting valuable chocolate. She's been nagging me for years to recycle, and this is the ultimate recycle.

- Midnight mo-ped ride through the park

If you're like me, you may be getting too old to be peddling around on a dang mountain bike. A mo-ped is energy efficient, and fits the bill for that low-key romantic night-ride. Don't talk to me about how much better a Harley would fit your manly image. Have you LOOKED at how much a custom Harley costs? Do you want your kids to grow up without a dad? Enough said.

- One dozen Life-Like RosesTM printed on high quality photo paper

Be sure to explain that these will last a lifetime instead of just a week-durable, like your love.

- A brisk 45-second back massage

Any longer and she might think you are interested in something else... unless you are.

- Pay-As-You-Go Hot-Pink Cell Phone

Women appreciate being part of the latest techno-thingie crowd. Your technobabe GRL will LUV u 4 EVR!!!

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