My friend Roberta is going on a cruise this summer with her children and grandchildren, and she's not the only one with big travel plans. The McGeehees are heading back to Scotland for the fourth time, and my brother and his family are taking a nice long trip to the Grand Canyon.

Fine. Let them go gallivanting around the world. Me? I'm one up on all of them-I'm putting in a garden.

I think I've mentioned before that I've never been much of a gardener, except for a few daffodils and gladiolas here and there. But something inexplicable came over me this spring, and the result is two raised beds in the backyard.

Actually, I blame politics.

It all started on the first beautiful spring day of the season. No, I wasn't outside enjoying it-not yet. I was inside doing the dishes and listening to the news on the radio. There was so much ranting and raving coming out of that radio about this political issue and another, I thought I might pull my hair out. Weren't these people taught any manners? Of course it's fine to state your opinion and to disagree on important issues, but name-calling is unacceptable. And some folks are turning to vandalism-or worse! Where are these people's mothers, for heaven's sake?

I was so sick of hearing it all, I marched over to the radio and turned it off, right in the middle of someone's tirade. Those hooligans have gotten me so riled up, I thought to myself. I need to get out of here and do something positive! But what? That's when I looked out the window and realized spring had finally arrived. The sky was a robin's egg blue, the birds were dancing in the birdbath, and there was soft green fuzz radiating from the trees. Suddenly, I could picture it all right there in my backyard the two raised beds filled with black dirt, leafy green lettuce, red globes of juicy tomatoes, ladders of beans. I can do this! I thought.And what's more positive than homegrown vegetables?

Roberta thought I was crazy, but I enlisted the help of my fifth-grade neighbor, Johnny Mac. I paid him $20 to help me hammer the wood for the bed frames and to dump in all the dirt I bought down at the farmer's co-op-or is it called soil? Either way, it's amazing how much it takes to fill up two small raised beds.

But the bigger problem was what to plant. There are a million expert gardeners out there, and they are all useless, in my opinion. Too much advice. Plus, they all have their favorites. One says your beans must be Kentucky Wonders, another says Blue Lake. One says plant Better Boy tomatoes, another Pink Girl. This one says plant garlic to keep the bugs away; the other one says marigolds. And everybody has their own foolproof way to keep the deer from turning your garden into their own personal salad bar-for instance, coyote urine. Who ever heard of such a thing? And how in the world do you get a coyote to cooperate?

I'll just keep it simple. I'll plant a few tomatoes, beans, lettuce, herbs, and zucchini, and we'll see how it goes. It'll keep me outside in the sunshine with my hands in the soil instead of inside getting steamed listening to crazy people dish dirt on the radio.

This summer when my bumper crop of vegetables comes in, I can share with my friends. And when somebody pushes my buttons ranting and raving on some political issue or another, I'll be very polite, just like my mother taught me.

Then I'll leave all my extra zucchini in the front seat of his car.

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