Anyone who knows me knows how I love my morning cup of Jo. For that matter, I drink it all day and evening, and at night before I go to bed. So, you can say I know my Jo as well as I know my stone.

Ironically, today I get a call from a homeowner who spilled some coffee all over her new thasoss white marble floor. She was balling like a baby who just got spanked by the priest at her baptism.

"My husband is going to kill me if I can't get this stain out! I called everyone and tried every cleaner on the market and it won't come out! Can you come out here and take a look?" she asked.

Well, normally I would tell her to put a poultice on it or to use one of the new stain sponges to pull the stain out, but she insisted I come out there and try it myself. I went out to my garage to get some poultice powder and some peroxide. Just as I was rummaging through the pile of junk, I thought maybe I should just get some of those poultice sponges that my friend just developed. It would be a lot easier for her to apply and would eliminate all the mixing and mess.

So, I got on the phone and called the guy who invented them, who happened to be in the same town. I swung by his shop and picked up a box and headed out to her house.

I arrived at her house, which was this enormous mansion sitting on top of a hill. It had one of those Norman Rockwell type settings. The lawn was perfectly manicured and I had a feeling the inside of the house was just as perfect.

I rang the doorbell and the lady that answered looked just like Nicole Kidman from "The Stepford Wives." She had that sweet, robotic voice and for a minute I thought I had just walked on to a movie set.

She led me into the kitchen and pointed at the floor where this large dark coffee spot was. I looked at it, placed my finger on the stain and looked up at her and said, "Is this decaf or regular?" She looked at me with that "this is not a joke" expression. I was actually being serious, since it does sometimes make a difference. Decaf tends to be easier to remove.

I took out the poultice sponges and told her that this was a mixture of chemicals in a mesh bag that are designed to remove the coffee and absorb the stain just like a sponge. I took out the sponge, ran it under water to wet it, and placed it on the coffee stain. The stain was rather large, so I placed several of them on the stain. I covered them with plastic and told her to let them sit overnight. I left her with several of the sponges since it may take several applications. I told her to call me in a few days to let me know how things turned out.

She thanked me and led me to the door. I kid you not; just as I was pulling out of the driveway, she was standing on the porch waving to me just like Mrs. Cleaver did to her husband Ward in "Leave It To Beaver."

I expected to get a call in the next few days with the good news, and the call I got totally surprised me. I picked up the phone and she said, "Thanks for coming out. Those sponges worked great! They took the stain out with only two applications.

"After I removed the stains, I sealed the floor, per your instructions, but three days later I dropped a pot of coffee on the floor and had a larger mess than I had before. Now, wait to you hear this. I hope you're sitting down," she said.

"Well, I sat down and cried and was looking at the stain and I thought...that dark coffee color is not too bad. So, I decided to spend the day brewing coffee and spilling it all over my marble floor to change the color of it, so it all looks dark. Now, when I spill coffee, I don't have to worry about it staining."

Just when I thought I've heard everything, I thought. I guess another case solved....sort of.

The Stone Detective is a fictional character created by Fred Hueston, written to be entertaining and educational. Frederick M. Hueston is the founder of Stone Forensics (stoneforensics.com), a nationally known stone consulting company, and also the technical director for Stoneandtilepros.com. He has written over 33 books on stone and tile installations, fabrication and restoration. He also serves as a expert for many legal cases across the world. Email comments to him at fhueston@stoneforensics.com

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